36
// NZ RUGBY WORLD // JUNE/JULY 2015
us PI boys are always going to be
mummy’s boys.
“It wasn’t until we shifted to France
that we became truly independent and
stood on our own two feet. We learned
that there is more to life than leaning on
people all the time. I think my mum just
needed to see that we could look after our
children and once she came over and saw
that we could, she was fine. We still sent
money back home but it was quite
refreshing to get away from all that.”
The all that to which Leo’o refers is the
sometimes overwhelming demands of the
wider family. Multiple people living under
one roof with a communal sense of
purpose is an admirable and near utopian
vision. But the demands – financial and
emotional – can feel constant.
The traditional Pacific Island way of life
is at direct odds with the professional
demands made of young players, where
self-reliance, leadership and strong
decision-making are all expected.
As much as there is pride and respect for
the old ways, there is also, say many
Pacific Island players, occasional feelings
of subjugation: a sense they are not free to
make their own choices.
One of the areas the pressure really bites
is money – and use of. It’s not a simple case
of players resenting having to provide so
much for others. That’s not really the
problem says former Highlanders flanker
Alando Soakai. It’s about managing
parental and wider family expectation.
“My parents came to New Zealand to
search for a better living,” he says. “They
were working here and sending money
back to family and they pretty much had
the same attitude in New Zealand as they
did in the village: they wanted to live that
way. Their values and traditions were just
the same and it was all about living in big
families.
“Rugby has been a way for many of us to
give something back and put food on the
table. I had different ideas which clashed
with my mum’s. She wanted me to stay in
Auckland but I was out of rugby and study
options so I went to Otago. It was a good
decision because it opened my eyes and
gave me plenty of life skills and I had to
look after myself.
“But I have always appreciated what
they [parents] have taught me - about
looking after one another, loving one
another. I’m not going to put my parents
into a rest home. I still help out mum and
dad. No matter what happens - that is my
obligation. No matter how much money I
earn, it will be my job to help them out.
“There have been a couple of times,
though, when I have said no. I have had to
have conversations with my parents where
I have said this is how much I can give.
That has been difficult for everyone to
swallow. But there comes a point when
you have to say that you need to look after
yourself first and your own immediate
family and if you do that, then you can be
better placed to help out the wider family.
It has taken my mum and dad a while to
understand that but I think they get it now
and they can see that.”
I
t is almost impossible for middle-aged
administrators to understand the
complexities of pressure young Pacific
Island players feel. The pathway for
many New Zealand players with a
Polynesian heritage is never clear: it’s not
obvious or expected within the all
important family cabal that a long All
Black career is the sole means by which
career success is judged.
A young Samoan or Tongan New
Zealander will have one view of the world.
A middle-aged European New Zealander
will have another.
For the former there is this
overwhelming desire to do the right thing
and contribute fully to family life and yet
there can also be this conflicting urge to
want to break free and get away.
Layered in this is the ever present
knowledge that the story of most New
Zealand-based Pacific Island families
begins with untold sacrifice.
When it comes to determining a career
pathway, the factors that come into
Rugby has been a way for many of us to give
something back and put food on the table. I had
different ideas which clashed with my mum’s. She
wanted me to stay in Auckland but I was out of rugby
and study options so I went to Otago.’ alando soakai
MONEY MATTERS
Alando Soakai has had to
try to manage family
expectation about how
much money he can give.
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